Stressed Out

Sorry in advance for such a morbid first post. It’s the second day of my second year of college. I am pursuing what I think to be the major that I love. I have a support system of friends but I feel like a burden often times. I keep saying that I am going to get counseling, that I am going to get help, but continuously fail to do so. I feel numb, as though I want to cry but the tears never make it past my eyelids. I am sad, and angry, lonely and hopeless for some reasons that are known and others that are not. I may seem quite but I am crying out for help, it is just that no one can understand the way in which I am doing so. I am pushing the people that love me most far far away from me without intention. I am slowly headed towards that dark place that I once tried so hard to retreat from, and I wish I wasn’t so comfortable with the idea… but I am. It is not because of a boy, or the lack there of. It is not as a result of the decisions of my parents, friends, or family. It is simply because of this, I am giving up, I am tired of trying. For so long I had kept myself together, until today when I realized that I owe 500+ dollars to the finance office by the end of this week while only being allowed to work 8 hours a week, not having any money from camp left or the guarantee of a paycheck for another three weeks. The thing is that I keep telling myself that I can not give up because God made a way for me to be at Southern for my second year of college, not in the way that I would’ve imagined but even so. If He was able to bring me this far than obviously He has a greater plan than what I am able to see, or not see, through this cloud of darkness that is fogging my perspective. I may be stressed out but I will hold on to the minuscule of hope that I have at this very moment.


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