Big Fur Coat

Depression, anxiety; bipolar disorder.

I do not remember much of my childhood, so I cannot account for the feelings I experienced then. I can account for what I went through during my preteenage years and I guess you could say that it’s enough pain for a lifetime.

Over the past year, I have been meaning to get a mental health screening but have failed many attempts. Finally, today I did it. My results were very shocking to my family, but I was not shocked at all. I was actually filled with joy because I finally have a diagnosed reason behind what I have been struggling with over the past 5 years.

It would be inappropriate to go into detail regarding my diagnosis but now I can get the help that is needed for me to get better.

One of my favorite authors, F. Scott Fitzgerald, was married to a labeled “crazy woman” who was simply suffering from a mental health disorder. Her name was Zelda. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia, but today we would consider it to have been bipolar disorder. Through all of the bs she experienced in her marriage to Scott she never allowed that or her mental disorder to hold her back. In fact, her creativity increased while in the psych hospital and she wrote Save Me the Waltz. 

This instills hope in me. I believe that, although my mental state is not as extreme as her’s it is still something. That something is what has fueled my writing from a young age and is the reason I started writing in the first place. So I rejoice, because not only did these chemical imbalances cause me to embrace the medium that I have chosen for my future career but overcoming them will make me an example and a witness to others who are dealing with similar circumstances.

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